one of those grandpa days

So today I am having one of those "Bad Grandpa Days" All I can think about is my Grandpa. I miss him soooo much. I know he's in a better place, where he's not hurting anymore. I know it's selfish to want him here, but I miss him. I could tell him anything, and he would never judge me, or hold anything against me. I would go to him with almost everything. You figure when I was little my parents both worked, and my grandparents would watch me and my brother and sister. My Grandparents lived right behind us, so the back yards were connected. Anytime I wanted to run away, I would go to their house. I learned so much from them, and my grandpa was a book of knowledge. He could always make sense of things for me. Everyone knows I didn't get along with my parents when I was a teen (not that anyone does) My my Grandpa was always my outlet, my rock, my advocate. I miss our long talks, and his stern words. Most of my family thinks that Grandpa never had a mean thing to say.....Their wrong. Not that he was a mean man, he just didn't hold back. He would tell you how he felt and what he thought. Now he would never say it to anyone on the outside, but if you were close enough you knew how he felt. He had an opinion on everyone, yet somehow he never let it slip to them.

I remember Grandpa picking me up from school, he would stop at McDonald's to get a small fry. He said they weren't for him, but he would eat all but about 5 then give me the rest. Or we would go to Strickland's by the blimp hanger and he would always get the dog a small cone too. Every time we would go past the Blimp hanger or any Goodyear building he would tell me of the days he worked for Goodyear. I knew all his responsibilities and duties. How he would always go in and cover people shifts to earn some extra money and put it away. I always heard the same stories, but they never got old. He was so loyal to that company. When I bought my 1st car out of High school, my grandpa convinced me not to but it unless the dealership would put a set of Goodyear tires on it. Every time I see anything with the words Goodyear, all I think of is him. He would tell me all about that blimp. He had this picture of the Blimp hanger with the blimp and a ton of people, he would tell me all kinds of stuff about that picture. The day of his funeral while we were getting into the cars to drive to the cemetery, I looked up and that damn blimp was right over top of the funeral home. Now how many times do you see that blimp in November? I swear that it is some kind of sign from him. There was one time when the babies were in the NICU and I couldn't take it anymore, I swear I was on my way to a mental breakdown, 1st I went to the gift shop to get some Advil. While I was there they have a little section that had Goodyear blimp souvenirs. I didn't think much of it. I then went outside and cried, I mean I cried harder than I ever have. I just couldn't do it anymore. I thought about the babies, my family, and my Grandpa. I never had a good chance to grieve for him, the babies were born at 24 weeks Dec 15 th, my Grandpa passed on Nov 14. So I really never got a chance to grieve for him. There I sat on the bench outside the hospital, right after we almost lost Dylan. I cried like the biggest baby, Everything seemed to hit me all at once. I looked up and there was that blimp again. I believe that was a sign, it had to be, why else would it have just happened to be there? In February? Now every time I have a bad day I look for it sometimes it's there and sometimes it not. It's funny how things happen. I think there was a reason for me to see that blimp, just like there was a reason that these babies came so early. I think after my grandpa died, there was no one to take care of anymore there was nothing to hold our family together. Sometimes I think that's why they are here to be the link to a family that is drifting away from one another. I only hope that my Grandpa would be proud, proud of what I have done and what I have accomplished. I wish he could have seen these babies, I wish he could have held them. I know how happy he was around children. He lit up everytime he saw Delaney. The day before he passed I took Delaney to the Hospital to see him. I knew a lot of my family didn't agree with it, but Delaney loved her Big Pawpal, and he loved her. I could care less what anyone thought. She brought him a little bag of skittles from her leftover Halloween candy and gave it to him because "sometimes they make me feel better" those were the words from her mouth. I swear that was the last time I saw him smile before he passed. I really wish he could have seen the family we made. It breaks my heart that he couldn't, but in a way I think somehow he's smiling down on us.


A friend of mine called me and asked if I would like to go on a blimp ride with her this Sunday, (the day before Grandpa's birthday) So this Sunday I will be taking the ride of a lifetime, in the blimp. I'm sure I will cry the entire time. Thank you Adrianne for the chance of a lifetime. you don't know how much it means to me.