shellys soapbox

You know I really don't know how other Moms do it. I don't know if it just because there is 3 or if its just another child in general. I am so wore out. I swear I could sleep for a week and still not be caught up. It's not that is is "hard" work so to say. It's just that theres so much to be done. I am wearing myself trying to keep up with the house, the laundry, the dishes, the cooking, the finances (thanks to the massive amount of hospital bills from the NICU stay) the kids, and myself. See I even forgot about Greg. I swear him and I haven't had a conversation other than about the kids in weeks. Greg and I have been out of the house together for about a total of about 11 hours since they've been home. It stinks that we are finally to the point we can get out of the house with them, but we can't because of RSV season. It just started and already I feel trapped. It's gonna be a long 4 months. I shouldn't complain about how tough it is. God has blessed us so much and how dare I feel this way. I just wish I could be content instead of always feeling overwhelmed. I just feel like I have lost myself. In the last year we have went from a family of 3 that went everywhere and had so much fun. To a family of 6 who is trapped in their home with no time for one another. I haven't been back to work since the babies were born, I would love to just even if it was for an escape-One problem what about a sitter? Nobody has been around enough to know the babies or know how to take care of them....or would be willing. Greg can't do it alone at night? Right not it really is just impossible. When Delaney was born I was so happy, I knew everything about that child, I knew what each cry meant, what each face meant. With the triplets I have no clue I have never really had that one on one with them to know. I feel so horrible because I don't know them and a mom should right? Everyone said it would get easier as they get older, well so far our 3 have proven that theory wrong. They are to the point they need constant attention, now how do I give that to each of them when theres 3 of them and a 4 year old who would like to just have apiece of my time? 2 of them are army crawling but can't sit up, they want to and if they did maybe they could keep themselves entertained. It's almost like their big babies stuck in little baby bodys. And sleeping....wow do I dare touch this subject. In the past 3 nights i have slept about 8 hrs total for the 3 nights, not each night. The babies were all doing so good sleeping through the night 12 hr stretches. It was perfect I could put them all down and then work on the housework til about midnight, then about 1 finally get to bed. No problems then. Now I am so tired at night it seems that just about every night between 3 and 4am I am crying myself to sleep, because I have got nothing done, I'm worried that we won't get up in time to get Delaney to school in time, I think it would just be easier to stay up instead of falling sleep for 20 mins just to be back up with a kid. I just don't know what to do. I'm sick of being so mean and grouchy to Delaney and Greg, but I'm so damn tired I can't think straight!

Oh well I don't mean to rant and rave, I should be happy that we have been so blessed and try to find the silver lining........I just need to get it off my chest so I won't explode! I swear this blog is therapy for me. =)

If you have any suggestions or ideas PLEASE email me or give me a call....At this point I'm open to anything. So for now I'm gonna step off this soap box and get Ryan to stop crying so I can finish folding the 5 baskets of laundry thats sitting on the couch, and try to get it done before the other 2 get up................